blogging = danger zone

this is a seriously addictive form of procrastination, though I am trying to view blogging in a positive way, as well. After all, not only am I spewing about real life, but I can spew about those topics that just make your brain hurt. Like free-will versus determinism.

My seminar in learning and cognition was "supposed" to focus on social cognition tonight, but, based on one of the readings, and a very good (almost sneaky) question on part of a classmate, we got onto the topic of free-will versus determinism. Do humans have free-will - do we have choice? More importantly, do all humans have free-will in all situations? or is every action, every reaction, every "choice" in, actuallity, caused by something else? For example, do you choose which shoe to put on first in the morning? Or do you put the right one first, because it was closest, or because of habit? Did I choose to start practicing mindfulness? I did I start with the meditation, etc. because of internal and external influential factors? Isn't the traditional study of psychology generally based on determinism - or at least a free-will-bordering-on-determinism stance (see below)? Studying behaviors in order to find patterns, and analyze other people and situations in terms of these observed patterns of behavior? Doesn't that assume there is a cause for these behaviors that just may be common to the general population?

Really, I think it's easier to make a solid argument for determinism. But, as Dr. Woody described it, there is a range of free-will - a continuum. You either subscribe to determinism or you don't, but if you support free-will, you can do this in varying degrees. Maybe some things are the direct result of something else, but maybe there are some choices, too... And, really, what is more appealing to mankind. Generally, people equate a lack of free-will with a lack of control over one's life. Um, depressing?

And then you add those additional considerations, such as mindfulness, or social influences, or environment and concrete variables (such as money - can you choose to buy those Nikes without money? Can you choose to participate in a group therapy program as part of rehab if none are offered?)

Yup...Karen's mind-boggler of the day. Free-will, or determinism?

You're my boy, Blue

Lonnie finally made the decision to put Blue down last night. The vet had checked his blood, and the blood transfusion that should have lasted him two weeks had barely lasted him those two days. The leukemia was just rampaging his body. I wasn't home for it - didn't get out of class and get Juilie's message 'til 9:00, and by then, the vet was already out there. Wish I could've been there to hold him and say goodbye - I was pretty upset when I got home - but, at the same time, it needed to be done before Lonnie changed his mind again. Blue was just depressed and miserable and it was the "right" choice. And at least he got to spend his last days at home, not the vet's office (not that Larry isn't a great vet, but Blue just didn't like being there - he preferred lounging on my bed).

Love ya' Blue. In the words of Will Ferrell - "you're my boy, Blue!"

twice in three days?!

ohmygoodness! could I possibly be posting twice in just three days? has hell frozen over? nope...it's called the fine art of procrastination ;0)

So I'm thinkin' of writing a book...something along the lines of "the recovering perfectionist." doesn't that sound like fun? seriously, though, i think everyone needs to (1) find a good counselor, and (2) try meditation. fantastic!!! As long as you find a good fit of a counselor, and approach meditation gradually and with an open mind. The particular approach I am practicing currently is not about focus and concentration. It's about just being. If your mind wanders, it's okay, just acknowledge the fact and bring it back to a state of...well, a state of being. Not doing, not thinking, not ruminating or worrying, or all those other things we usually find ourselves doing (once we stop to think about it...problem is, most of these actions and reactions are so habitual we don't even notice). You just be in the moment. sounds cheesy, I know, but it is SO incredibly FANTASTIC once you start practicing. Carrie (who leads the classes I've been taking) refers to it as "falling awake" instead of falling asleep.

Anywhose, the changes I have been making are gradual, and there are always setbacks, but I'm making progress! And I'm trying to use the setbacks as "learning experiences" (yay for teacher jargon), rather than defeats.

And on another note, do you think sexism and racism and such prejudices will ever truly be eradicated? Can they be? And are they a result of nature, nurture, or a combination? These questions were spurred by discussion in my psych. history and systems class today as we discussed how prejudices are still alive and well, and some people seemed surprised. Not to sound cynical, but I don't know that we will ever be rid of prejudice. Humans generally seem to thrive off of "reasons why I'm better than you." We can continue working for equality, which I completely support, but can we get there?

A'ight, back to my real homework for now. More philosophical thoughts later...

the chronicles of week 3

soooo, as you can tell, I am SO on top of blogging ;0) Just been spending my typing time working on papers and research 'n stuff. But, here I sit, at home, ALONE (kind of lonely, kind of spectacular) on a Saturday night. Why not take a moment 'n spew?

Why am I sitting at home alone on a Saturday night, you ask? Talk about a wild ride of a week, which all led up to this point. So, Monday night, I actually got home before midnight and found out that Lonnie's Grandpa died, so he was packing to leave for Iowa Tuesday morning. Then, I go in to talk to a professor Tuesday morning, and she's all frazzled because she's got a family emergency and is leaving for Chicago. And I just happened by right while she was trying to find someone to cover her social psych class. Of course I volunteered, and left her office with a textbook, video, and notes to expand on for two sections of social psych on Wed. and Friday. They actually went well (I think) - we were talking about Asch's experiments in conformity and Milgram's experiments on obedience and authority. But still, I always get nervous teaching, and spend excessive amounts of time preparing, doing extra research, finding contemporary "real-life" examples, etc. So just a little extra work...

Anyways, I left her office, and then got a call from Juilie that she was going with Lonnie to Iowa, and would I just keep an eye on the horses and the dogs, etc. Okay. By the way, our dog, Blue, has been sick for like, the last three weeks. The vet had removed an abcess (sp?) from his leg, but he didn't improve, so he spent some time at the vets getting blood-work, and they found his red blood-cell count was WAY low = bone marrow not working properly = probably leukemia. So he's been on a special diet of liver, cottage cheese, and rice (since that's all he'll eat), and lots of water and drugs and vitamins, and has to be let out to the bathroom regularly, etc.

Fortunately, Bart has been a Godsend helping with chores - NOT having to rush home to feed the horses at night has been a huge help! And he fed in the a.m. on Wednesday and Friday so I could go teach that social psych. class. But, at the same time, Juilie was still nervous about leaving him with things (since he's relatively new to our routines, and is, afterall, a 21-year-old MALE. No offense, but 'nuff said), so I am still the responsible one. No pressure or nothin' - I hate that "R" word.

So, Thursday morning, the dog's wound from the abcess removal had split back open and started oozing again - nothing smelly and excessively gross, just some run-of-the-mill puss and drainage. So I cleaned it, wrapped it, and called the vet, and then picked up some anti-biotics and stuff to flush it out with. He was lethargic, but he was still eating, so the vet wasn't too worried. Thursday night, he didn't want to eat or drink anything, so I force-fed him his drugs, cleaned the wound out (I should have collected the drainage to measure how much there was - it just kept coming and coming and coming...) and put him in his kennel so I could leave the wound uncovered to let it drain overnight.

Well, Friday morning, Blue still wouldn't eat, and now, he couldn't walk, either. Literally - couldn't get his paws under him. So, since I had to teach, I force-fed him some broth with electrolytes, left Bart with chores, and called the vet, Juilie, Lonnie, and our neighbor driving into town, and our neighbor took him to the vet for me. Hours and phone-messages later, I found out that he DOES have leukemia - a rare form, no less, and that Juilie and the vet had decided to try a blood transfusion until the vet can talk to the oncologist and decide what to do. So I spent a couple hours at the vets while he had that done, and then brought him home for the weekend. he's actually perked up since yesterday. Like, he'll eat, and wag his tail, and I don't have to carry him, he can walk. Honestly, if he goes downhill again, as the vet is predicting, I think the most humane thing to do is to put him down. It was just heartbreaking watching him Thursday night and Friday. And he's a hound dog - the kind that loves to be out chasing rabbits over our 80 acres and going running and riding with me. He is just depressed.

At any rate, I was supposed to go out w/ Jael tonight (after rescheduling from last night, when I stayed home to care for Blue), 'cause Juilie and Lonnie were supposed to be back, but Juilie called from Nebraska to say she and Lonnie were stuck 'cause of the wind and snow and ice. And Bart is in Nebraska for his frat's pledge weekend ceremonies. So I am all alone. And I have spent most of the day doing nothing. I did laundry and dishes and chores and filled water tanks and have been doting over the dog, of course. But other than that, not much - paid some bills and checked e-mails 'n such, and spent a lot of time napping, since I've been spending my nights this week sleeping on the couch so I can check on blue, let him out, etc. Actually, just can't bring myself to sleep in the same bed as Bart. lol - j/k - you are fantastic! *mwah*

So that's my week - really, not bad, but definitely stressful. And I still have homework, and vacuuming, and all that other fun stuff. And maybe if the weather ever actually clears up, I can go riding again. if my horse remembers me ;0)

huh - so maybe that makes up for not writing for quite so long...but i'd better go and post my blogs for my psych class while I'm "in the zone."

Laters!

finally joining the 21st century

Yup, it's about time to join the 21st century and start blogging. We'll see how it works out. While clearing out old e-mails, I discovered that I have tried this at least once before. Obviously, it worked out ; )

But, seeing as how I've been trying to keep up with writing, anyway, and I'm messing around with discussion boards, blogs, etc. for educational purposes (the "new" popular practice is to combine on-line discussions with regular in-class meetings for twice the course fun), I may as well combine the two. Besides, I'm on my computer all the time, and what better way to procrastinate?

Again, we'll just have to see how it works out - esp. towards the end of the semester...but this could be fun!

A'ight - more later, but thought i'd test this out. And thanks, Heidi, for the idea! : )

~K