humph

Ya' know how they say "absence makes the heart grow fonder?" Is that really supposed to be true? I guess it is with my family to some extent, but, really, I find myself annoyed with this "absence..." Should I? Or shouldn't I? Or maybe it's okay to feel something, but it shouldn't necessarily be annoyance. (if you're really startin' to wonder, I haven't seen my b/f for, like 10 whole days, which isn't bad, I know, but I still really wanted to see him. And I think the "annoyed" actually comes in 'cause I called yesterday or Wednesday to see if I could come up on Saturday, and didn't hear anything back 'til this afternoon after I told him he should come down w/ his friends and go dancing, but they're going to a Rockies game in Denver, and he's "busy all weekend." Which is true - he's working, so I'm not annoyed at him - just annoyed...humph).

Alright, I'm done whining...

Bless the media and all it's little minions

I have been having a very hard time wrapping my head around lots of things, lately - least of all the Virginia Tech shootings. There is so much I just don't understand - can't understand. So much pain and hurt - so much of the ugliest side of life - and yet so much hope and beauty. Professor Liviu Librescu - a 76 year-old survivor of the Holocaust - put himself in front of the door while urging his students to flee, and was fatally shot in the process. And I know he is not the only professor, the only teacher, the only father - the only human who would do that to save others. Students who had been shot but were still mobile helped classmates with more serious injuries and blocked the door when the shooter tried to return. And the images of the candlelight vigil made me want to cry - here I am on the bike or the treadmill or whatever I was on at the rec center, watching the news, on the verge of tears.

It still seems very surreal, and my heart aches for all the families and the friends and students and colleagues of all the victims. And this includes the parents and family of Cho. To them, this was their SON - not a shooter, not a killer, not anyone or anything other than their son.

And it is this consideration that really has sent me over the top with regards to the media. I was irritated by the way reporters were badgering those involved - students and professors and police. I was rather appalled by some of the questions being asked (along the lines of 'you were only shot in the arm. Were there others that were more critically wounded?' - and this was Monday afternoon as reporters infiltrated the hospital looking for interviewees). But the clincher came just a short while ago - I was getting into my jammies, and Lonnie had the news on, and I heard this newsreporter and one of the "expert" guests discussing that this individual - this "shooter" - was completely cognizant of what he was doing, and the newsman referred to Cho as an "evil man."

Whoa! What??? An "evil" man, committing a pre-meditated massacre... where do you come off saying this!?! I do not agree with what he did, I do not understand where he was coming from - why he would resort to this - 'cause, as pissed as I've gotten at people, and as jaded I might have been with the world, I've NEVER wanted to hurt someone, much less kill them. And, yes, it was pre-meditated. I won't argue. But I also don't agree that (a) Cho is/was "evil," nor (b) he was necessarily aware of what he was doing. Like I said, it makes me feel sick to think about, but, at the same time, there is a difference between knowing what you are doing, and being aware of what you are doing, including considering all the contributing factors and your motivations and the consequences of your actions. Cho made very poor choices, and his actions are no less repugnant, but c'mon - "evil?" The act may have been, but can we call him "evil" - a man no one really knows anything about? And can you imagine how it would feel as a parent watching this? What must be going through their minds?

So, again, my heart is with those connected to the victims. I feel sick, and I ache, and I don't understand - I cannot even begin to express the turmoil. But I also think the media at large - and I apologize for generalizing in such a manner - I try to avoid making gross generalizations - but I think the media needs to be a little more aware of what they are communicating and how they are communicating...we all do.

here's a fun new game to play; here are fun new things to say!

Thought I'd toss in a little game for y'all. How familiar are you with the rules of Renaissance English? Well, lets find out - what are the words below? (I swear they're English!)

1) releeueth

2) poyntes

3) vfe (hint – it’s not really an “f” – I just don’t have the similar character available)

4) thẽfelues

5) iuyce

I totally feel like this right now. Gotta' be that time of the semester...like, three weeks or so left, which means crunch time with papers, presentations, tests, etc. Not to mention the fact that I have NO idea what I'm doing over the summer - aside from working on my lit. review and riding horses. I should definitely get a job, but there's so much research I want to do, too - creativity research, and insight and creativity, and experiential education, and the effects of background music on working memory, or spatial task performance, and on written samples, and the effects of mindfulness and meditation practices on attention and stress levels, and of course all the EAP research stuff. And I need to meet with profs to talk about the potential for research in each of these areas.

And I could always take some classes - even some in Boulder or Ft. Collins...

And the EAGALA training, and, and, and...

And ohmygod my brain still hurts! All the complex webs of interactions...

Okie dokie, speaking of complex webs of interactions, I'd best be gettin' back to my homework, but thought I'd spew at least a little - haven't in a while.

Oh! And, btw, has anyone else ever actually seen a car headlight go out on an oncoming car? Jael and I were on our way up to Estes last thursday, and just as this oncoming car was coming around a corner, one of the headlights went out! I've obviously seen cars with them out already, but this is the only time I've seen this happen while driving! Stupid and trivial, I know, but think about it - I, for one, have seen more shooting stars in my lifetime...

owwww

My brain! It can't take any more! Soon, it will start leaking out my ears - I'll be sure to take pictures. Seriously, it feels like the swirling vortex of terror or something -->

SO many thoughts and cognitive dissonance, and organization is so much harder with all these complex webs of connection than when you can actually order things hierarchically. For example, which comes first - self-awareness, or self-regulation? Well, it seems self-regulation, because there is evidence of infants self-regulating, but not necessarily any measures of self-awareness. At the same time, can we reach higher levels of self-regulation and metacognition without self-awarness? So can you really separate them into fundamentally different entities and order them? They ARE different, but can you separate and order them? And that's to say nothing of things like self-efficacy, nature and nurture factors, etc. Obviously, you cannot cover every possible variable in studies - you would never get anywhere! but that doesn't make my brain hurt any less. Because you DO have to consider them, and make sure you're really measuring what you intend to be measuring...

And that brings up the definitions point. I've always been kind of a smart-ass when it comes to taking things literally (better a smart one than a dumb one, though, right?). But it's a valid consideration, particularly when it comes to self-report measures. There are so many ways to interpret things.

At some point, you have to decide what is necessary to be particular about, and what to let slide, and explain why you make these decisions. This is the part I still get hung up on - letting elements go, or at least letting them wait until later. And, boy, isn't that like life? Having to decide what to spend the time and energy on, what to set aside, and what to let go.

On that note, time for me to go and meet with my advisor - try to come up with a summer plan... But I'd like to share one more thing before I go - enjoy! (thanks, Gary Larsen!) =0)