So everyone has bad days, and we all deal with them in different ways. Is it so bad that one of my personal ways to deal is to just have a nice, refreshing cry? Why is it that crying necessarily implies I'm having a total meltdown? 'Cause it doesn't - I am one of those "sensitive" people that cries during movies and T.V. show, and during the radio-a-thon for the Children's Hospital; and I cry when I'm frustrated, and I cry when I think I'm in trouble, and I cry when I worry I might have hurt someone's feelings or let them down; but I also cry when I'm really happy, and I cry when I am thankful, and I cry when I feel loved, and when the world is so beautiful it takes your breath away.
But I have so much trouble explaining this to people - just because I'm crying does NOT mean I think it's the end of the world! I promise!!! And, yes, life goes on - I'm counting on it - hasn't let me down yet! It's just that at this particular moment my emotions are overflowing in the form of tears. I mean, c'mon - I am energetic and "life-happy" - passionate about life-in-general. Crying is just part of that. Nothing is "bad" or "wrong" - it just IS. Even when I am feeling like I am doing poorly teaching - yes, it bothers me, because teaching is a responsibility - an honor - very important to me. But it's NOT a breakdown, or a meltdown, or whatever. It is a moment, which passes. I see nothing wrong with crying if that is just what I need in certain situations. Now, if it's a 24/7 thing, that's not usually a good thing, but I am SO not there, and I've always been prone to crying--just ask my parents ;0)
Granted, part of this is to justify my behavior to myself, 'cause sometimes it just drives me nuts, but who am I to be judging myself? I am who I am, and I just told one of my students, "Never apologize for being yourself (with some exceptions)," so I can't go being hypocritical, now can I?
Hm. I've got more soapboxing to do, but we'll let that pass, for now - back to cognitive psych. and music therapy in the middle ages (woohoo!).
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4 comments:
I hear ya, Karen. I cry for all kinds of reasons too. People who don't, just don't get that it's not something you can always control. But that doesn't make it a bad thing.
All teachers cry - mothers too - almost everyday - for what they think they haven't done well enough - for the students they haven't reached - yet - joyfully for the ones they have reached - even when they find that out years later - and especially for the ones they never will reach and still wonder about ---
Motherhood and teaching are totally underrated as to the depth of love, caring, and responsibility they draw from us and the better person they cause us to be.
Sorry honey - its the family curse...
Hmm, it is hard to explain ourselves to others. But, harder still to accept ourselves for who we are. Cry all you want, embrace your cryability (I think I made up a new word!). I'm glad you said its a moment that passes. I have trouble with that concept; when I'm in the moment, I can't possibly see that it will pass. Also, I'm glad you care so much about teaching to cry about it. We need more profs like you.
I agree with the above. Crying is such a good outlet for us sensitive types, it's better than holding it in. I can relate to you completely though. When I used to get in trouble as a child I would cry, but not because I was being put in time out, but because I felt like I let my parents down. And I would cry so hard that I would begin to hyperventilate and it always ended in my mother having to hold me and stroke my hair to calm me down. Now that may have been a bit excessive to some, but for me it was just a way to let it all out, I needed to express myself and I still think it's a good healthy way to do so. When you can't think of what to say or do, crying can cover it all. Cry away Karen! We know it's not the end of the world, but we must go through those moments if we are going to get to the other side. <3
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