Emerging from the haze

I am finally done muddling - over one issue, at least.

As a rule, I have trouble deciding which path to take, and the decision process always stresses me out. In this case, both paths were interesting to me. But one path offered more security, more (immediately obvious) applicability (which often means greater chance of getting a job), more guidance, and it would be easier to form my committee, secure study participants, etc. But it's also been done. Not exactly what I want to do or how I want to do it, but very similar things have been done.

The other path was a little more obscure - still controversial, not much empirical research - some foundations are being laid, but not much - less guidance, potentially more challenging to form my committee and do a study - potentially more challenging to get a job afterwards. Newer & not as secure. But I'm in a great position to take that route. I have the resources, the support, and the opportunity.

I thought I had made up my mind - to take the first option. The safer one - the one that seemed more conducive to my actually getting through school successfully. I filled out paperwork for my plan of study and potential committe and sent it to my advisor.

But as a week passed, and then two and three, with no word back from my advisor, I continued to question my decision. The paperwork hadn't gone any further that my advisor's email inbox, so I could still change my mind. Still time to turn around...

I emailed my advisor for his opinion. He told me to choose what I was more passionate about - that the process is enough work and I'll hate it less if I choose what I'm passionate about.

Shortly after, I emailed him back that I was changing - taking the lesser-traveled path. There may be more roadblocks, but I'm just so curious about what I'll find.

And, like I said, I am in a unique position that allows this opportunity - so why pass that by?

I already knew I wanted to change - I had already made up my mind which path to take - when I chose to focus on caring in teaching, I still felt unsettled. As I continued to pursue caring in teaching, I continued to feel unsettled. I already knew I would change, but I just kept fighting because it seemed safer - more practical.

But now I am taking the turn and heading down the path of equine-assisted learning. And I feel settled. The fog is clearing.

The best part is that my Mom already knew I would go this path, and I'm pretty sure my advisor knew I would, also. He sent me information about an animal-assisted-therapy convention even after we talked about the caring in teaching path. I love when people know these things before me - but I also understand why they allow me to make the decision myself rather than just tetlling me what I will do.

I also don't think that teacher development and equine-assisted-learning need remain mutually exlusive. In fact, I'm still dealing with teaching and learning - just in a different context.

This should be fun!

My two remaining icecubes have melted down to look like kidneys.

I'm going out to ride.