two forward, one back

My pony bucked me off yesterday (Saturday).
I didn't even try to hang on (the first time) 'cause I was so caught off-guard. Just enough time to think, "Crap. Hang on or bail-by-choice?"
Rather than risk injuring my spleen again (hehehe), I voluntarily jumped horse and landed on my butt in the mud, facing my horse just in case I needed to get out of the way.

And later on down the road, it happened AGAIN. This time, though, I was prepared, so I hung on and got him bent. I'd have preferred to stay on both times, but I'll take what I can get, again given that I was riding in an English saddle on a big horse who catches some big air - and it was SO out of the blue! I haven't been bucked off him since the spleen incident of ... 2006, I think???
WTF Tommy???

We started out fine - my theory is that it was just a lot of little bits all added together. There were six of us - Tommy gets nervous when there are more than three (counting him). Juilie was riding Candy's horse, Sunny - Sunny was on crack, so Tommy was simultaneously intrigued by her and trying to get as far away from her as possible. A storm front was moving in and he'd had two weeks off, so he was a little extra goofy and spooky. But I think what really did it was the mud-induced-panic, 'cause both times his brained checked out were when we were in the mud - the deep, goopy, slippery mud out there on the plains of the front range. Tommy doesn't like the mud (well, it's not the mud so much as the discomfort of his hooves slipping out from under him), so Tommy tries to hurry up and get through the mud. We were approaching a down-hill, so I asked Tommy to do a 360 and slow down - coming out of the 360 is when he bucked.

I was too bewildered to have any sort of reaction beyond the "WTF??" (though the first words out of my mouth were "I landed on my butt, this time!"), so I got up, bent him each way, and stepped back on without a problem. Bent him again, and we continued on, serpentining down the muddy hillside. As soon as we got to a dry spot, I made him do more 360s, side-passing, backing up - anything and everything to serve as a "brain check" and maybe figure out what triggered that reaction in the first place.

But once we were out of the mud, we were fine. He had returned to the quiet, compliant, soft version of himself - almost seemed a little ashamed of his prior behavior.

Until we got back into some more mud, and then his brain fell out again.
Like I said, this time I was prepared. He started to hurry, so I bent, and I hung on this time. Two jumps into the air and then done - but he was still tense the entire time we tromped through that muddy field. Like a ticking time bomb. He was haulin' ass until we hit dry road. I got him to do baby serpentines, so he didn't run home, but he's usually bringing up the rear, not leading the way.

He'd been hobbled before I got him, and he used to kick at anything that came in contact with his hind legs, so I wonder if maybe, when I asked him to do those 360s, his hind legs just got a little tangled, started to slip, and he panicked and went up in the air. Or maybe he was so hell-bent on getting out of the mud, he decided to act like a butt-head and brush me off (or buck me off) when I went to bend him. Maybe both - maybe he has started to panic, and then my bending him became too much extra stimuli. I really don't know.

Once we hit dry ground again, he was fine.

I DO know that we're going to have to work through it, whether he was reacting out of fear or out of defiance, but the point is that sometimes I have trouble telling which of these two is influencing him more (and it makes a difference in how I handle the situation). Sometimes it's obvious - when he's being a butt-head, he swishes his tail and tosses his head (which he was not doing on Saturday - he was just stiff as a board through the mud, and then positively drooping on dry ground).

I worked through more mud when we got home - and I watched as, once his hind feet started to slip, his hind-end popped straight up in the air to just get him out of that uncomfortable situation. And when I wrapped the lead rope around his hind legs, his initial reaction was *flinch* (but no kicking - good boy!), so I'm suspicious that it was mostly panic. But I wish I could read his mind, sometimes.

And we still need to work through it, regardless - I'm sure the mud will be there for awhile, so we'll just go play on-line and riding (though likely with my western saddle this time). Or I could just send him to WA for a bit - no escaping the mud, there!

I just wish I knew for sure.
Oh well, no matter - we'll just revisit - plenty of learning opportunities :)

Part of why I am sharing this is that I've been asking my study participants what are some of the challenges of owning/working with horses, and what kept/keeps them coming back for more? So here is one of the challenges with a "used" (and abused) model - I can relax on him, but I'm never going to be able to fully let my guard down, so, while it's nice to imagine cantering off into the sunset, it will never be that romantic in reality. And I don't know if I handle situations like this "properly" when they arise, which obviously leads to some heavy-duty reflection on my part. Did I do the "right" think? Should I have made more an issue out of it at the time? Or was it okay to get to a safe-moving-on point and let it be for later revisiting? Am I being too harsh or too soft with him?
Eesh - reflection? More like mild distress, almost. How do parents do this??

But why do I keep coming back? Masochism? Seriously, though - in this case, I don't think Tommy means to be "bad," so I can't hold it against him. I want to help him. We're such good partners when we're in sync. I can think of some flat-out naughty, bratty horses. Tommy can be one from time-to-time, but his overall personality is very compliant. He just has panic attacks (which I can relate to).
Personalities - there are as many different personalities - or "horsalities" - as there are horses in the world, and that's part of what keeps me coming back, too. And when their heart is there and their trying so hard. When they nicker at you and nuzzle you, and choose to come be near you. And because I'm a puzzle-solver - this is a puzzle - what was the catalyst and how can we re-direct that reaction? And he hasn't given up on me, so how can I give up on him? And when you make it over those hurdles together, as a team, it is awesome!
And the smell, and the feel - looking into their eyes - again, appreciating those horsalities.
Sometimes it sucks, and sometimes it is life at its absolute best.

Oh, Tommy. Thanks for keeping me thinking ;)
And at least big buck = big jump :)