Blech.

So I've been meaning to post for so long that I've got, like, 5 drafts - and I might end up posting all 5 right in a row - we'll see. But at this particular moment in time, there is just one issue I really just feel the need to write about...probably wouldn't, but I cancelled my appointment with my counselor today to go home sick - and you know I'm legitimately sick when I'm willing to cancel with the most fantastic counselor ever (Jael, I'm sure you understand!)!

So, on the docket for tonight's musings - long distance relationships. And I apologize to my b/f in advance, 'cause I know you actually read my blog from time-to-time, and it's a topic I have avoided in the past 'cause relationship "stuff" doesn't need to be publicly broadcast. But, like I said, I missed my appointment, today, and really just need to get some of this stuff out in a linear fashion (as opposed to swirling around all jumbled up with everything else in my head). And it's not about you, or us - once again, "it's not you - it's me" ;) ... and the fact that my way of processing involves getting "stuff" out in the open, whether through talking or writing or whatever.

Anywhose, really, all it boils down to is that it SUCKS, sometimes. And it confuses me, 'cause, really, it's better that way, right? - I mean, I'm the one who likes to be all independent, and I have a crazy hectic schedule with school and everything, and over the summer, I really thought it'd be better this way. And the rational part of my brain still says that, yes, this is indeed most likely better for both of us. So why don't I feel that way??? I hate it when thoughts and feelings aren't in alignment. Sucks, sucks, sucks. Sometimes it feels like Iowa and the "significant other" may as well be a million miles away. At the same time, though, what would it be like if we weren't far away from each other - would I be ready for that? I think so, but I just can't say, for sure. Expletive, expletive, expletive.
Hm. So no appointment with my counselor, but that doesn't mean I can't call my good 'ole Mommy and Daddy tomorrow. =D

You know, I just realized a lot of this is also probably stemming just from the simple fact that I'm sick, too. I'm a wuss when I'm sick, and I just want someone to hug me and maybe stroke my hair like Mom does - it may seem superficial, and I don't like people waiting on me, either, but it really does help me feel better having that sort of personal, physical contact.

That said, I'm going to go get more kleenex and a fresh ice-pack for my head - good bye for now!