Good day

Research meeting got cancelled today, so I went out and rode my pony. We did some groundwork in the mud and then revisited the route from Saturday. "Perfect"? No. But better? Definitely. A ways to go, yet, but feels good :)

Oh, and Tommy ate his first half of an apple today!

two forward, one back

My pony bucked me off yesterday (Saturday).
I didn't even try to hang on (the first time) 'cause I was so caught off-guard. Just enough time to think, "Crap. Hang on or bail-by-choice?"
Rather than risk injuring my spleen again (hehehe), I voluntarily jumped horse and landed on my butt in the mud, facing my horse just in case I needed to get out of the way.

And later on down the road, it happened AGAIN. This time, though, I was prepared, so I hung on and got him bent. I'd have preferred to stay on both times, but I'll take what I can get, again given that I was riding in an English saddle on a big horse who catches some big air - and it was SO out of the blue! I haven't been bucked off him since the spleen incident of ... 2006, I think???
WTF Tommy???

We started out fine - my theory is that it was just a lot of little bits all added together. There were six of us - Tommy gets nervous when there are more than three (counting him). Juilie was riding Candy's horse, Sunny - Sunny was on crack, so Tommy was simultaneously intrigued by her and trying to get as far away from her as possible. A storm front was moving in and he'd had two weeks off, so he was a little extra goofy and spooky. But I think what really did it was the mud-induced-panic, 'cause both times his brained checked out were when we were in the mud - the deep, goopy, slippery mud out there on the plains of the front range. Tommy doesn't like the mud (well, it's not the mud so much as the discomfort of his hooves slipping out from under him), so Tommy tries to hurry up and get through the mud. We were approaching a down-hill, so I asked Tommy to do a 360 and slow down - coming out of the 360 is when he bucked.

I was too bewildered to have any sort of reaction beyond the "WTF??" (though the first words out of my mouth were "I landed on my butt, this time!"), so I got up, bent him each way, and stepped back on without a problem. Bent him again, and we continued on, serpentining down the muddy hillside. As soon as we got to a dry spot, I made him do more 360s, side-passing, backing up - anything and everything to serve as a "brain check" and maybe figure out what triggered that reaction in the first place.

But once we were out of the mud, we were fine. He had returned to the quiet, compliant, soft version of himself - almost seemed a little ashamed of his prior behavior.

Until we got back into some more mud, and then his brain fell out again.
Like I said, this time I was prepared. He started to hurry, so I bent, and I hung on this time. Two jumps into the air and then done - but he was still tense the entire time we tromped through that muddy field. Like a ticking time bomb. He was haulin' ass until we hit dry road. I got him to do baby serpentines, so he didn't run home, but he's usually bringing up the rear, not leading the way.

He'd been hobbled before I got him, and he used to kick at anything that came in contact with his hind legs, so I wonder if maybe, when I asked him to do those 360s, his hind legs just got a little tangled, started to slip, and he panicked and went up in the air. Or maybe he was so hell-bent on getting out of the mud, he decided to act like a butt-head and brush me off (or buck me off) when I went to bend him. Maybe both - maybe he has started to panic, and then my bending him became too much extra stimuli. I really don't know.

Once we hit dry ground again, he was fine.

I DO know that we're going to have to work through it, whether he was reacting out of fear or out of defiance, but the point is that sometimes I have trouble telling which of these two is influencing him more (and it makes a difference in how I handle the situation). Sometimes it's obvious - when he's being a butt-head, he swishes his tail and tosses his head (which he was not doing on Saturday - he was just stiff as a board through the mud, and then positively drooping on dry ground).

I worked through more mud when we got home - and I watched as, once his hind feet started to slip, his hind-end popped straight up in the air to just get him out of that uncomfortable situation. And when I wrapped the lead rope around his hind legs, his initial reaction was *flinch* (but no kicking - good boy!), so I'm suspicious that it was mostly panic. But I wish I could read his mind, sometimes.

And we still need to work through it, regardless - I'm sure the mud will be there for awhile, so we'll just go play on-line and riding (though likely with my western saddle this time). Or I could just send him to WA for a bit - no escaping the mud, there!

I just wish I knew for sure.
Oh well, no matter - we'll just revisit - plenty of learning opportunities :)

Part of why I am sharing this is that I've been asking my study participants what are some of the challenges of owning/working with horses, and what kept/keeps them coming back for more? So here is one of the challenges with a "used" (and abused) model - I can relax on him, but I'm never going to be able to fully let my guard down, so, while it's nice to imagine cantering off into the sunset, it will never be that romantic in reality. And I don't know if I handle situations like this "properly" when they arise, which obviously leads to some heavy-duty reflection on my part. Did I do the "right" think? Should I have made more an issue out of it at the time? Or was it okay to get to a safe-moving-on point and let it be for later revisiting? Am I being too harsh or too soft with him?
Eesh - reflection? More like mild distress, almost. How do parents do this??

But why do I keep coming back? Masochism? Seriously, though - in this case, I don't think Tommy means to be "bad," so I can't hold it against him. I want to help him. We're such good partners when we're in sync. I can think of some flat-out naughty, bratty horses. Tommy can be one from time-to-time, but his overall personality is very compliant. He just has panic attacks (which I can relate to).
Personalities - there are as many different personalities - or "horsalities" - as there are horses in the world, and that's part of what keeps me coming back, too. And when their heart is there and their trying so hard. When they nicker at you and nuzzle you, and choose to come be near you. And because I'm a puzzle-solver - this is a puzzle - what was the catalyst and how can we re-direct that reaction? And he hasn't given up on me, so how can I give up on him? And when you make it over those hurdles together, as a team, it is awesome!
And the smell, and the feel - looking into their eyes - again, appreciating those horsalities.
Sometimes it sucks, and sometimes it is life at its absolute best.

Oh, Tommy. Thanks for keeping me thinking ;)
And at least big buck = big jump :)

Therapy

and yes, my horse IS sticking his tongue out :)

Emerging from the haze

I am finally done muddling - over one issue, at least.

As a rule, I have trouble deciding which path to take, and the decision process always stresses me out. In this case, both paths were interesting to me. But one path offered more security, more (immediately obvious) applicability (which often means greater chance of getting a job), more guidance, and it would be easier to form my committee, secure study participants, etc. But it's also been done. Not exactly what I want to do or how I want to do it, but very similar things have been done.

The other path was a little more obscure - still controversial, not much empirical research - some foundations are being laid, but not much - less guidance, potentially more challenging to form my committee and do a study - potentially more challenging to get a job afterwards. Newer & not as secure. But I'm in a great position to take that route. I have the resources, the support, and the opportunity.

I thought I had made up my mind - to take the first option. The safer one - the one that seemed more conducive to my actually getting through school successfully. I filled out paperwork for my plan of study and potential committe and sent it to my advisor.

But as a week passed, and then two and three, with no word back from my advisor, I continued to question my decision. The paperwork hadn't gone any further that my advisor's email inbox, so I could still change my mind. Still time to turn around...

I emailed my advisor for his opinion. He told me to choose what I was more passionate about - that the process is enough work and I'll hate it less if I choose what I'm passionate about.

Shortly after, I emailed him back that I was changing - taking the lesser-traveled path. There may be more roadblocks, but I'm just so curious about what I'll find.

And, like I said, I am in a unique position that allows this opportunity - so why pass that by?

I already knew I wanted to change - I had already made up my mind which path to take - when I chose to focus on caring in teaching, I still felt unsettled. As I continued to pursue caring in teaching, I continued to feel unsettled. I already knew I would change, but I just kept fighting because it seemed safer - more practical.

But now I am taking the turn and heading down the path of equine-assisted learning. And I feel settled. The fog is clearing.

The best part is that my Mom already knew I would go this path, and I'm pretty sure my advisor knew I would, also. He sent me information about an animal-assisted-therapy convention even after we talked about the caring in teaching path. I love when people know these things before me - but I also understand why they allow me to make the decision myself rather than just tetlling me what I will do.

I also don't think that teacher development and equine-assisted-learning need remain mutually exlusive. In fact, I'm still dealing with teaching and learning - just in a different context.

This should be fun!

My two remaining icecubes have melted down to look like kidneys.

I'm going out to ride.

Checking in...

I saddled Tommy with my saddle while he was tied today (i.e. he was tied to one of the hitching posts while I groomed and saddled him). I've cinched up the bareback pad and saddled him with the english saddle while tied, but today was the first time in over a year (approaching two years, in fact) that I've saddled him with my western saddle while tied. Typically, I take him to the round pen, do ground work to really get his brain checked in, and THEN saddle him (and do more ground work).

Why? Because when he realizes that back cinch is attacking him, he can really buck (which means he can jump pretty well, too, so the bucking isn't all bad!). But it's not even so much that he bucks - it's that his brain totally checks out. Gone. Way outa' left field.

However, as mentioned in previous posts, he hasn't been bucking when I saddle him lately. So I decided to up the ante. No round pen, no ground work. I took him out of pasture, tied him, groomed him, saddled him, and then I untied him and asked him to follow me to the arena. I took my time, I let him relax. I left the cinches pretty loose - snug enough to keep the saddle on, but still loose.

Previously, this would be a good set-up for another round of mindless bucking.

And he did buck...sort of. Almost.

But this time, he THOUGHT ABOUT IT. He took a few steps and humped up and hopped. I backed him up and he hopped again. Then he stopped and looked at me. Took a few hesitant steps with that, "Mom, I dunno' about this. I'm uncomfortable" look. But he came, and he made it without the full-on buck-fest. His brain stayed in tact.

There was another moment in the arena - I did some ground work and then snugged up the cinches and asked him to move out again. He made it to the canter, and decided he was being attacked. But instead of launching into a round of bucking, he again stopped and looked at me, and we worked through it.

As mentioned last time, there will undoubtedly still be some "moments," but I am really proud of him. He kept his brain and checked in. Good boy. Extra cookies and scritches.

My little boy is growing up

not that we won't still have our moments, but my "little boy" (16.2 hands and probably 1400 lbs) is growing up.

We had the most wonderful day today with the usual clan doing a group lesson. Great trailer manners, no bucking when I saddled him, no kicking when a younger colt ran into his hind-end. Again, plenty to work on, still (he's kinda' stiff after the time off), and there will always be those moments, but I feel so good. What a great day. What a great horse.

Thank you, Tommy. And thank you to Mom and Dad and Lori - and thank you Juilie and Lonnie - and thank you Neil for understanding about a girl and her pony. What did you call it? Nourishment? Indeed.

~There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man. ~ Sir Winston Churchill

~There is no secret so close as that between a rider and his horse. ~ Robert Smith Surtees

In memory of Ray Hunt

"Why does it take a lifetime to learn how to live a lifetime" ~Ray Hunt

Rest in peace Ray Hunt: August 31, 1929 - March 12, 2009.

One of the greatest horsemen in history - he was called a "Master of Communication" for a reason - passed away last week. I had the opportunity to ride Tommy in the horsemanship portion of a Ray Hunt clinic in Wyoming in 2006. I have the best parents in the world. In fact, Mom took the photograph featured above at that clinic.

He was amazing to watch - watching him watching the horses and humans.My favorite part, though, was not caught on camera. In fact, Juilie's half-brother, Clayton, remains the only eye-witness. See, everyone else took a picture with Mr. Hunt and shook hands with Mr. Hunt. But when I went to thank him and shake his hand....

he said, "Come here, Karen" and he gave me a hug.

Maybe it was my very large horse. Or my english attire with western tack. Or my purple hair.

I don't know. But I shared a hug with Mr. Ray Hunt. And when he smiled, he had the brightest twinkle in his eye. (Thank you, Mom and Dad!)

And he was wise beyond the horsemanship. Some favorites from quotes from his book, Cowboy Logic, illustrate this:

"Fix it up and let him find it"

"Adjust to fit the situation"

"Recognize the smallest change, the slightest try"

"It's the little things that make a big difference"

"Believe in your horse so your horse can believe in you"

"Make the best out of a bad situation"

"The slower you go the faster you will learn"

"The horse will teach you if you'll listen"

and, of course, "Whistle, grin and ride!" :)

While they refer to horsemanship, they apply to multiple venues of life. Like teaching. Relationships. Getting through hard times. So very wise.

Rest in peace, Mr. Ray Hunt. I know you were in it for the horse, but you helped the humans, too. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your self. And thank you to your family for sharing, too!

Teachers and students and horses, oh my!

I don't get to graduate - don't even get to come close to graduating - until I can make up my mind about what to focus in on for "my" research. But just when I think I've made up my mind, I stumble across something or have this flash and *poof* I've changed my mind, again.

The "biggies" come down to teacher education (particularly preservice teachers) - bridging the gap between their understandings of teaching and learning that they bring with them as students and what/how we expect them to develop as teachers, and then there's this separate notion of caring that has risen from a research project an SES prof. is letting me work on him with. 150 preservice PE teachers (to date) writing about a favorite teacher - and a vast majority describe their favorite teacher as "caring," though this idea of caring is defined in many different ways. So what IS caring? How do these entering preservice teachers understand "caring" in the classroom? Why is it important? How do these students envision themselves caring for their future students? Does their understanding of caring in teaching change as they progress through the program? More importantly, is the construct of caring something we should - something we even can - address more directly in teacher preparation programs?
And that's not even touching on the music teacher stuff....

And then, of course, there is the equine-guided learning. Does it "work"? Can and does it transfer to "real life" (i.e. are the concepts learned while working with the horse generalizable for individuals into other domains of their lives)? And a bunch more questions here...

See, the teacher education path is a good one - has been around and will continue to be around, and is something I am very passionate about - and there is still a very nice niche to be carved as far as the concept of caring. However, I am also passionate about equine-assisted and equine-guided-learning. It is more of an "up-and-coming" field - very young, very little empirical research - which is both good and bad.

At least I've got it down to two main areas.... that some progress, right?

First sunburn of the season!

Have you ever reached that point where you are just too tired to care anymore? And you just want to do a spring cleaning of you life? The upside is that you can usually fairly effectively dump some excess baggage from your daily going-ons. The downside is that sometimes you can start dumping things a little too enthusiastically - I know I can, anyways...

In other news - the weather today was beautiful - a little breezy, but it kept things at just the perfect temperature for going out and riding. I love riding - and I love my horse - thank you Lori and Mom and Dad! (Tommy says "thank you," too - he is a very happy boy!!!)

Pam from the second violin section has this perfect bumper sticker - "That horse smell is my aromatherapy"

Aaaaaah - breathe in deep!