Why do I feel the need to be busy all the time? I've been that way for a very large portion of my life - I'm just not happy if I'm not doing something. Even though being busy can result in some stressful moments, overall, it causes me more stress if I feel like I'm not doing enough. But why? Does being busy really make me "happy," or is it something else? I'm pretty sure it's something else - it's comfortable...but why is it comfortable?
And why do I get so restless? Is that part of why I like to stay busy - so I'm not getting restless?
On a different note, as I've mentioned before, I don't go out of my way to read my horoscope and plan my day accordingly, but I do think it's kinda fun and interesting to check it out. Here's mine for today...and it's interesting how closely it echoes the conversations I had with two different profs yesterday...hmmmm.
"If you often help people in need, dear Aquarius, or if helping people is part of your profession, this day will bring certain ideas into the light. You need to take the time on a regular basis to take care of yourself! If you don't, you won't be able to continue to help others. Think about this and stop making excuses! Think of yourself, for once!"
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
P.S.
Thank you, Heidi, for the wonderful black bean and sweet potato chili recipe.
I made it last night - sauted and simmered everything as suggested (with a couple jalapenos, extra tomatoes, an extra yam, and improvised spices), and then I threw it in the crockpot for a couple hours on low while Juilie taught a riding lesson and we did chores - coming in out of the dark and the rain to that was quite pleasant! Sliced up some avocado and mango on the side, and it was a total hit with Juilie and me (Lonnie's got a thing about chunky textures - but whatever - more for us), and hopefully the extra veggies (= extra vitamins) will help with this darn sickness.
Anywhose, quite fantastic - thank you, and hope you are feeling better!
I made it last night - sauted and simmered everything as suggested (with a couple jalapenos, extra tomatoes, an extra yam, and improvised spices), and then I threw it in the crockpot for a couple hours on low while Juilie taught a riding lesson and we did chores - coming in out of the dark and the rain to that was quite pleasant! Sliced up some avocado and mango on the side, and it was a total hit with Juilie and me (Lonnie's got a thing about chunky textures - but whatever - more for us), and hopefully the extra veggies (= extra vitamins) will help with this darn sickness.
Anywhose, quite fantastic - thank you, and hope you are feeling better!
One more...
Ooh, ooh - another question I've been meaning to throw out there.
So, there is this music quote:
"Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything."
Beautiful quote - but I've always seen it attributed to Plato, and, frankly, I just don't think it sounds like Plato. So help me out - if it is Plato, where from his works is it taken from? And if not Plato, than who? This is open to anyone out there in cyber-land. I seriously have gone searching to get to the bottom of this one, but haven't gotten a chance to go through all of Plato's work on my own ;)
Gotta' go - thanks!
So, there is this music quote:
"Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything."
Beautiful quote - but I've always seen it attributed to Plato, and, frankly, I just don't think it sounds like Plato. So help me out - if it is Plato, where from his works is it taken from? And if not Plato, than who? This is open to anyone out there in cyber-land. I seriously have gone searching to get to the bottom of this one, but haven't gotten a chance to go through all of Plato's work on my own ;)
Gotta' go - thanks!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Wine into water
Here's a question for y'all - this is for my Tuesday assessment class (the prof suggested we ask other people):
You have two containers of equal volume - one is holding water, the other is holding an equal amount of wine. You take one tablespoon of wine and mix it into the water. Now, take one tablespoon of the water/wine mixture and mix it back into the wine.
(1) Do you have more wine in the water, or more water in the wine?
(2) How did you arrive at your answer?, or "please explain your answer" or "please explain your thought process"
(3) How would you score the response to this question?
You have two containers of equal volume - one is holding water, the other is holding an equal amount of wine. You take one tablespoon of wine and mix it into the water. Now, take one tablespoon of the water/wine mixture and mix it back into the wine.
(1) Do you have more wine in the water, or more water in the wine?
(2) How did you arrive at your answer?, or "please explain your answer" or "please explain your thought process"
(3) How would you score the response to this question?
Random (or ran-dumb?) thoughts...
So I woke up at about 4 a.m. 'cause of the coughing and sore throat 'n all - ate some fro-yo, got some Fresca, but still couldn't sleep, so I've been trying to get some work done, but it's still hard to concentrate, so my mind wanders around to all sorts of random things, such as:
(1) I'd like to dye my hair, again - maybe a really dark chestnut or auburn - something to bring out some reddish highlights. Granted, I'm also aware that this urge to dye my hair usually comes when there is some underlying issue - something else I'd rather be changing about my life but can't - so I'll change my hair color - quick, easy, and still rather non-commital.
(2) How much longer would I need to grow my hair in order to have enough to cut 8 inches off to donate for cancer patient wigs, but still be able to pull it back?
(3) Am I a "bad" prof. for letting my class go early to work on their group projects yesterday? I seriously considered calling in sick, but they start their presentations next Wednesday (and only have class on Wed and Fri), so I wanted to make sure we addressed any more questions they might have regarding that and anything else. So we tuned, warmed up, talked about a few performance-related questions that people had, and then jumped into final presentation-related questions - most of them felt it would be beneficial to have in-class time to meet with their groups (music majors are REALLY busy people!), so I let them. Some stuck around in the classroom, so I checked in with those groups, answered their questions, etc., and two groups went off to the music library, which I was fine with. But i still kinda' felt guilty. ah well. It also gave one of my students the chance to ask about pursuing a masters degree in ed. psych...
(4) Heeheehee - here's some stats humor - we've got a test in my StatsII class on Monday, so our prof was telling us some of the things we "might" be able to expect on the test - one of which was an ANOVA table with missing data that we'd have to fill in using other info. given in the table - you know, kind of like a Sudoku puzzle. So we were laughing about that, and our prof. was all, "wouldn't it be so cool if kids were walking around with those hand-held electronic games and when you ask them, 'Hey, what are you playing?' 'I'm playing ANOVA!'" hehehe - what else would one expect from a stats prof - I can just see him inventing this for his own kids...
(5) I am a sucker for adoption advertisements.
(1) I'd like to dye my hair, again - maybe a really dark chestnut or auburn - something to bring out some reddish highlights. Granted, I'm also aware that this urge to dye my hair usually comes when there is some underlying issue - something else I'd rather be changing about my life but can't - so I'll change my hair color - quick, easy, and still rather non-commital.
(2) How much longer would I need to grow my hair in order to have enough to cut 8 inches off to donate for cancer patient wigs, but still be able to pull it back?
(3) Am I a "bad" prof. for letting my class go early to work on their group projects yesterday? I seriously considered calling in sick, but they start their presentations next Wednesday (and only have class on Wed and Fri), so I wanted to make sure we addressed any more questions they might have regarding that and anything else. So we tuned, warmed up, talked about a few performance-related questions that people had, and then jumped into final presentation-related questions - most of them felt it would be beneficial to have in-class time to meet with their groups (music majors are REALLY busy people!), so I let them. Some stuck around in the classroom, so I checked in with those groups, answered their questions, etc., and two groups went off to the music library, which I was fine with. But i still kinda' felt guilty. ah well. It also gave one of my students the chance to ask about pursuing a masters degree in ed. psych...
(4) Heeheehee - here's some stats humor - we've got a test in my StatsII class on Monday, so our prof was telling us some of the things we "might" be able to expect on the test - one of which was an ANOVA table with missing data that we'd have to fill in using other info. given in the table - you know, kind of like a Sudoku puzzle. So we were laughing about that, and our prof. was all, "wouldn't it be so cool if kids were walking around with those hand-held electronic games and when you ask them, 'Hey, what are you playing?' 'I'm playing ANOVA!'" hehehe - what else would one expect from a stats prof - I can just see him inventing this for his own kids...
(5) I am a sucker for adoption advertisements.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Blech.
So I've been meaning to post for so long that I've got, like, 5 drafts - and I might end up posting all 5 right in a row - we'll see. But at this particular moment in time, there is just one issue I really just feel the need to write about...probably wouldn't, but I cancelled my appointment with my counselor today to go home sick - and you know I'm legitimately sick when I'm willing to cancel with the most fantastic counselor ever (Jael, I'm sure you understand!)!
So, on the docket for tonight's musings - long distance relationships. And I apologize to my b/f in advance, 'cause I know you actually read my blog from time-to-time, and it's a topic I have avoided in the past 'cause relationship "stuff" doesn't need to be publicly broadcast. But, like I said, I missed my appointment, today, and really just need to get some of this stuff out in a linear fashion (as opposed to swirling around all jumbled up with everything else in my head). And it's not about you, or us - once again, "it's not you - it's me" ;) ... and the fact that my way of processing involves getting "stuff" out in the open, whether through talking or writing or whatever.
Anywhose, really, all it boils down to is that it SUCKS, sometimes. And it confuses me, 'cause, really, it's better that way, right? - I mean, I'm the one who likes to be all independent, and I have a crazy hectic schedule with school and everything, and over the summer, I really thought it'd be better this way. And the rational part of my brain still says that, yes, this is indeed most likely better for both of us. So why don't I feel that way??? I hate it when thoughts and feelings aren't in alignment. Sucks, sucks, sucks. Sometimes it feels like Iowa and the "significant other" may as well be a million miles away. At the same time, though, what would it be like if we weren't far away from each other - would I be ready for that? I think so, but I just can't say, for sure. Expletive, expletive, expletive.
Hm. So no appointment with my counselor, but that doesn't mean I can't call my good 'ole Mommy and Daddy tomorrow. =D
You know, I just realized a lot of this is also probably stemming just from the simple fact that I'm sick, too. I'm a wuss when I'm sick, and I just want someone to hug me and maybe stroke my hair like Mom does - it may seem superficial, and I don't like people waiting on me, either, but it really does help me feel better having that sort of personal, physical contact.
That said, I'm going to go get more kleenex and a fresh ice-pack for my head - good bye for now!
So, on the docket for tonight's musings - long distance relationships. And I apologize to my b/f in advance, 'cause I know you actually read my blog from time-to-time, and it's a topic I have avoided in the past 'cause relationship "stuff" doesn't need to be publicly broadcast. But, like I said, I missed my appointment, today, and really just need to get some of this stuff out in a linear fashion (as opposed to swirling around all jumbled up with everything else in my head). And it's not about you, or us - once again, "it's not you - it's me" ;) ... and the fact that my way of processing involves getting "stuff" out in the open, whether through talking or writing or whatever.
Anywhose, really, all it boils down to is that it SUCKS, sometimes. And it confuses me, 'cause, really, it's better that way, right? - I mean, I'm the one who likes to be all independent, and I have a crazy hectic schedule with school and everything, and over the summer, I really thought it'd be better this way. And the rational part of my brain still says that, yes, this is indeed most likely better for both of us. So why don't I feel that way??? I hate it when thoughts and feelings aren't in alignment. Sucks, sucks, sucks. Sometimes it feels like Iowa and the "significant other" may as well be a million miles away. At the same time, though, what would it be like if we weren't far away from each other - would I be ready for that? I think so, but I just can't say, for sure. Expletive, expletive, expletive.
Hm. So no appointment with my counselor, but that doesn't mean I can't call my good 'ole Mommy and Daddy tomorrow. =D
You know, I just realized a lot of this is also probably stemming just from the simple fact that I'm sick, too. I'm a wuss when I'm sick, and I just want someone to hug me and maybe stroke my hair like Mom does - it may seem superficial, and I don't like people waiting on me, either, but it really does help me feel better having that sort of personal, physical contact.
That said, I'm going to go get more kleenex and a fresh ice-pack for my head - good bye for now!
Friday, February 8, 2008
Friday!
Whew! I feel like I just crossed the finish line of a half-marathon...and the other half starts here shortly. Got last semester's evals back (scary - see below), been trying to figure out what research to do (also below), been meeting with professors about what research to do and research we are already doing, teaching, meeting with students for individual "lessons" as part of a homework assignment, and faculty evaluation materials were due today. ACK! my first formal evaluation process - turned in a cv and syllabus and student evals, and then we'll have to meet with the School of Music Director - SCARY! and figures that this is the first year part-time faculty has to submit them, and is also the year I've got the craziest mix of evals and some of the harshest comments ever. At least turns out I'm not the only one. Maybe it's this group of students' general frustrations with all the changes going on in the teacher ed. program. I dunno.
Anywhose, I have that in-person eval to look forward to, but whatever.
And a meeting for data entry Sunday, some application-type materials due Monday, an IRB proposal for Monday/Tuesday-ish (assuming I solidify my research proposal this weekend), another application for a summer research position coming up.
It's all good - just crazy! Had really good, helpful discussions with a number of profs - got some interesting feedback about the music ed. program from students, which totally helps make a case for my research, and have yet another potential research project over the summer with a very cool SES prof (who teaches the qualitative research course I'm in, and I found out I've got totally similar research interests - he's been where I am now, so it could totally help give me some relevant practice and direction...and, I might note, I'd never have met with him and found all this out about his research had I not turned down that other RA position in favor of keeping my course load - funny how things work out!). And another prof. gave me a very nice compliment on my writing when I went to go talk to him about last semester's term paper/research proposal and is totally willing to help if I want to go further with it.
Oh, and I was asked to play viola for the next orchestra concert, which messes with my spring break plans a little, since I was just planning on skipping the concert and going home to WA that Saturday (March 15), but at rehearsal we found out we were totally short-handed in the viola section. I took lessons later in highschool and in college, played in some ensembles, but this'll be my first "real" concert on viola!
Crazy, crazy, crazy - just a whirlwind 'o "stuff" - but overall fantastic! Now time for the gym, and then some wine & chocolate (okay, maybe homework tonight, drinks and dinner tomorrow...) - we'll see how responsible I'm feeling when I get home ;)
Happy Friday, all!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Just when the dust is settling...
Happy Super Tuesday, everyone.Two unrelated points I want to get to in this blog.
(1) Fall semester evals (finally) came back today - though it is hard to evaluate the stats when they give you item numbers without the item, itself. At any rate, as usual, I looked at them and read through the comments that actually came back and I got upset. I know, what else is new - think I wouldn't react in quite the same manner after how many years of this? And yet I do. But I swear, this last semester's are the worst yet - I don't get it - I busted my ass. And it plays into all those other insecurities I already have - I am not a confident person, I have low self-esteem, I am painfully aware of my tendencies towards scatterdness, absentmindedness, and overly-energeticness, and I am a ("recovering") perfectionist, to boot. Though my self-efficacy is really pretty decent, when I encounter situations such as this, it makes me wonder if maybe I'm just seeing things in a distorted way. Maybe I am too idealistic. Maybe I can't do this, but I'm just too stubborn to admit it. Maybe all those people who told me I “just don’t have enough “life-experience”” were on to something. Maybe I should've said no - I won't accept this teaching position 'cause I have no business teaching...at least not teaching this. Maybe (oh, don't make me say it...) - maybe I'm "too" busy, or "too" unorganized, or "too" inexperienced. But if I don't teach, what am I going to do with my life? Yes, that may seem extreme, 'cause things always work out in the end, but it admittedly does feel a little like that, right now - like The Wanderer, below. I really love teaching, and I really bust my ass. And I DON’T want to be one of those teachers that people avoid, or be known as someone who “tries hard, means well, needs supervision.”
It is interesting to note, also, the differences between the two sections – both the same class, just two sections – one right after the other. First section = some horrific, mostly mediocre, and a couple of good/outstanding. Second section = mostly mediocre and good, some outstanding. What is up?
Eesh. Aw well, I am calming down now, and, though I do still feel I have failed miserably at my first attempt at flying solo with this class, and have managed to come off as incompetent and a waste of time, I am ready to start the reflective process. Some of the comments may reflect poorly on me, but are also totally…um…unfounded, I guess. Plenty of important considerations and things I really can work on, but some things, also, that I can read, process, and let go of. Part of it, in all honesty, I really feel relates to the honesty thing - when & how & all that... aw well.
The biggest decision relating to this, though: do I want to see about taking another stab at this next year (assuming they need me), or apply for one of the GTA positions in the psych department... hmmm...
(2) I have narrowed down my current potential research projects to three "doable" options (I'm really proud of myself!) - of which I need to choose one for immediate undertaking, and one to start thinking about and really work on over the summer. I don’t think I’ll use the equine stuff this semester, but beyond that, I'm having trouble deciding which one of the following to choose for this semester, and which to save for later (& which to use for my Masters comps projects) ...
Votes, anyone???
a) Interviewing middle-school students – some of whom have decided to continue with formal music studies in school, and some of whom have dropped music – to find out, from the students’ perspectives, why they have made their respective choices. This also entails touching on in- and out-of-school music experiences. Ultimately (beyond the scope of this semester), to find out how school music programs align with student desires/needs/etc.
b) Interviewing pre-service music teachers to: 1) have them identify their teaching philosophies and/or philosophies of music ed (related, but different in some, but not all, cases), (2) track the development of their respective philosophies, and (3) inquire as to whether students in this particular institution’s program feel if this area has been over- or under-represented in coursework. In the long-term, I’d like to align pre-service teacher data with first-year teachers from this program, instructors in the program, and maybe some “experienced” teachers. Maybe compare with other schools’ programs – lots of direction to go.
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